She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
