Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
