This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
