Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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