This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
