I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
