I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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