Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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