I love black thongs
My first STD was from a foam party
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
