please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
