I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
