You work out of a Hotel?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
