You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
