Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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