i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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