when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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