Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
