I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize