Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
