i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
