We won't sleep together?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
