we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
