Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
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I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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