Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
