apparently the secret to your success is patron
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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