Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
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Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
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Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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