I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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