my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
