I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
