Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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