It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
organizing the empties. That sober.
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he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
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So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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