I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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