SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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