I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
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Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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