I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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