I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
