I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
