I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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