Sponge bath it is.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Found the puke drawer
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
