Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
