That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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