I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
