awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize