kristin has been a bad kristin
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
