When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
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You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
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I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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