big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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