it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
