He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
40s are totally the cure
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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