Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
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His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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