My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
