I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
