i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day