Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.