Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.