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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  You kept calling me your small dog last night.

  Fav 6 1082 3125

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.

  Fav 9 1294 3375

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar

  Fav 6 760 3739

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm on my period, period, period

  Fav 72 2276 16336

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• 

  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (305): View more from Florida

  look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.

  Fav 23 1808 4180

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.

  Fav 13 5859 1542

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.

  Fav 6 4061 1027

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.

  Fav 6 1285 864

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• (212): View more from New York

  LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.

  Fav 5 1641 653

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• 

  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.

  Fav 3 1000 544

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.

  Fav 25 573 1291

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.

  Fav 4 524 708

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• (818): View more from California

  Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.

  Fav 1 246 497

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?

  Fav 2 441 174

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?

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