I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dating After Heartbreak
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK