He asked to "fluff my boner.."
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
