I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
