hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
