Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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