in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
