Where did you get a picture of my penis
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize