I'm gonna have a badass scar
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
