Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
