Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
