McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
