I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize