hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
