So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
