Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
