So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
