Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That's how pantless uber rides happen
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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