He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
