a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
