there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
that is very illegal...i love you.
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