Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I met the friendliest cop last night
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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