Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
