You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
