My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
