Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she looked like the before picture.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
