i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
