you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
