The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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