Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
