Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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