It's like God shit irony all over that family
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
