boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
