why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
